I know that in order to fully rely on my Father it will be necessary to let so many other hopes die; all the ones that I think I can realize on my own strength and by my own merit. "For I know the plans I have for you." Is my plan really important? Do I really think that my plan will work out better?
I want to be able to say that I've got no plans, only trust. I don't want hidden motives or buried emotions. I'm caught at a crossroads between caring more than I ever have before and letting go of everything that I've ever cared about.
I guess it's the uncertainty that scares me. I feel that if I let go and give up control I won't ever be certain about anything. Maybe that's the point. Maybe I only have to be certain about one thing, that He loves me. He loves me more than I could ever love Him or anyone else; more than anyone else could ever love me!
Why do I long so much for someone else to love me and yet show such wanton disregard for the love that is already mine, waiting to be experienced? How fickle is my heart. "I need thee every hour, teach me thy will, and thy rich promises in me fulfill."
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
Love never fails.
5 comments:
have you heard indelible grace?
http://www.igracemusic.com/indeliblegrace-cd/indeliblegrace-4.html
Amen that God is drawing you more and more to Him. Without Him changing us, we would never turn away from the things that keep us from Him.
I hadn't heard of indelible grace... There's a Jars of Clay version of that song that I've really connected with.
some of their stuff is great, but not all of it. derek webb has a few songs on their CDs (if you haven't listened to him, do. particularly "she must and shall go free" and "mockingbird")
i think i have been in a very similar boat...
my story lately has been that I have been realizing that it's not about me. as much as I really would like this life to be about me, it's not. and I am really trying to refocus my thoughts, my desires, my needs on Him alone. and when I start to do that, I understand that I don't need to worry because He has a plan to use me for such an awesome purpose and He will take care of me and bring me through every challenge I have; of course, in ways I don't expect. sorry that I just had to spill my guts out to you for a quick sec, but doing that really helps me remember that. -Nicole W.
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