Old Journal Entries: Vol. III

Journal Entry: 3/20/2007 “After a Hard Day on Set”

I’ve been thinking about stories.  It seems that so much these days fails to connect with what I feel is a good story.  I was wondering what it is that I feel makes a good story.  There’s no formula, but there is a goal.  I was having a really rough weekend, just physically exhausting and I came across this during a break from my work, “We went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance.”  A poet named David wrote that in a song that’s now known as Psalm 66.

It stood out to me for a couple reasons.  The first being that I had waded across a river twice that day as part of work, so going through water was fresh in my mind.  And the other reason was how I have been thinking about stories recently.  It seems that so much of what I’m taught about storytelling focuses entirely on the conflict and tension of the journey with little emphasis placed on the ending.  This line hit home because it seemed to sum up what I feel stories should be; pain and struggle ending in redemption.

Life isn’t much good without hope.  It seems to me that the stories that I connect with the most are the ones that end in redemption and instill a sense of hope in their audience.  Good triumphs over evil.  The pain of the journey was worth it because it ended in a place of abundance.  Love overcomes all obstacles and hate is left to wallow in the wayside.

I never felt the place of abundance this weekend.  I went through the water, read this, felt encouraged, and then headed into the fire.  Things got harder, but the hope stayed with me.  Many people would say that life’s not about happy endings and I would agree that things often end up pretty shitty. But is it that life isn’t about happy endings or is it that we don’t believe in them?

My thought is that the pain and the struggle do exist, the fire and the water are real, but equally real is the redemption; the place of abundance.  I feel that good stories are the ones that show the struggle of the journey ending in the joy of the destination.

Old Journal Entries: Vol. II

Journal Entry: 3/14/2007 “Psalm 61 and 65”

(1st Verse)
From the ends of the earth I call to you
I call as my heart grows faint
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I
For you have been my refuge and strength

(Bridge)
Where the morning dawns
And the evening fades
You call forth songs of joy
So with humble hands
And a trembling heart
To you I lift my voice

(1st Chorus)
For you are all that I have
You are all that I love
The breath that I breathe
And the life in my blood
You are all that I want
And you’re all that I need
To me you mean life
And a life that’s complete
I need… you alone

(2nd Verse)
From the edge of myself I lift this song
And let go of all of me
Give me a peace that is past my mind
For in you alone I am free

(Bridge)
Where the morning dawns
And the evening fades
You call forth songs of joy
So with humble hands
And a trembling heart
To you I lift my voice

(2nd Chorus)
You are all that I have
You are all that I love
The breath that I breathe
And the cry in my lungs
You’re my day and my night
My future and past
All else will fade
Where you alone last
And I need… you alone

Sing songs of praise, sing songs of praise
Great is the lord who has done all these things (x2)

Old Journal Entries: Vol. I

I’m getting close to the end of my current journal, one I’ve had for over a year now, and before I put it away and move on I wanted to comb through its pages and see what the past has to offer.

Journal Entry: 12/23/2006 “After a Christmas Party”
I want to say something interesting, something close to your heart that touches a piece of who you are. I want to talk with you about something meaningful or important, but when I stand next to you all I can think to do is sigh and pretend that I’m tired. When I do talk I wind up finishing every sentence with “but, yeah…” which is pretty stupid and annoying in and of itself.

I would like you to think that I have some kind of depth, at least a little. But even by myself I have a hard time understanding who, exactly, I am. I know that you can’t find out for me, you can’t even find out for yourself if I don’t know. I want to connect in some meaningful way, but I have no idea how to do that if I can’t even connect with myself.

Shouldn’t I feel more confident around you? When I’m around others it’s easier to be cool, casual, clear, communicative. You are the only one who makes me feel insecure and a little bit stupid. I feel like Tom Sawyer doing cartwheels to try to impress Becky, but, instead of being cool, I keep falling on my face.