Plans

I feel that, more than ever, the song of my heart has become "I need thee, I need thee, I need thee every hour."  I feel desperate for something to hold onto while I become more and more persuaded that all I need is to let go.  I'm at a point in my journey where something major needs to happen and I have this sense that, whatever it is, it will require, and account for, a huge amount of growth.

I know that in order to fully rely on my Father it will be necessary to let so many other hopes die; all the ones that I think I can realize on my own strength and by my own merit.  "For I know the plans I have for you."  Is my plan really important?  Do I really think that my plan will work out better?

I want to be able to say that I've got no plans, only trust.  I don't want hidden motives or buried emotions.  I'm caught at a crossroads between caring more than I ever have before and letting go of everything that I've ever cared about.

I guess it's the uncertainty that scares me.  I feel that if I let go and give up control I won't ever be certain about anything.  Maybe that's the point.  Maybe I only have to be certain about one thing, that He loves me.  He loves me more than I could ever love Him or anyone else; more than anyone else could ever love me!

Why do I long so much for someone else to love me and yet show such wanton disregard for the love that is already mine, waiting to be experienced?  How fickle is my heart.  "I need thee every hour, teach me thy will, and thy rich promises in me fulfill."

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Love never fails.